Due Date?

I finally had my first appointment with a midwife with the NHS. The GP has given me a different due date, now the midwife says I am actually 10 weeks long not 9 weeks. Of course, it will be clearer during the scan. Thankfully, despite my post-natal complications, I am still considered low-risk but I do hope that they do not completely dismiss the potential complications I could face like last time.

Nausea and fatigue are still there. Nausea less than last time but fatigue can be unbearable at times. My body goes into complete shut-down mode. I simply cannot keep my eyes open and have no sense of the world around me. This doesn't become easier as I have a two year old to look after also.

Ole!

After a violently sick start to my 9^th week of pregnancy, I managed to pull all my strength and give a dance performance. Phew!

I am always so worried that I would have to give up so much from myself due to pregnancy and I already have given up some but I am very pleased with myself for being able to pull up the performance. I only wish I could show the same level of energy at work and home.

I had my first official antenatal clinic visit this week where I was bombarded with a lifetime of information. I also had to give a lot of blood for tests. Fingers crossed all is fine!

I am still terribly frustrated with myself though for suffering all the terrible symptoms of pregnancy in the book, which make me focus on myself and not necessarily the baby.  So I am not able to feel completely maternal. I still don’t know what it is to feel maternal. I am certainly extremely worried about the health and happiness of my baby as well as being terrified of being good parents. I wonder if the fear will every go away.