Already Massive and Tired

I am always on the move with work and kids. It's non-stop. So maybe that's why I do not feel the baby's movements until I sit down for 5 minutes in the evening. Even then it is quite faint.

Whilst still trying to organise everything in my head (still couldn't figure out the new sleeping arrangements in the house), I am anxiously waiting for my very first midwife appointment and next scan. I hope that the baby is growing healthily.

In the meantime, I notice that I have started to get tired more easily. I still have around 17 weeks to go. I cannot afford to be tired and gaining so much weight at this point!

I am glad to have sorted out my maternity nurse and night nanny although it is going to cost me an arm and a leg, with three little ones under the age of 5, I have no other choice. The house will be crowded! On top of all that, with family members and relatives wanting to come over around the time of birth is not making anything easier.

Routines? Juggling

My worries do not go away. There are mornings I wake up (around the time when my second one wakes up lately, 5 am) and panic about how I am going to handle the mornings; feeding the baby, calming my second one down, getting my oldest ready for school, prepare breakfast for everyone, dropping off my oldest to school with the two little ones tagging alone...

I also panic about bedtime; how I am going to handle it. We are still not final on what we are going to do about sleeping arrangements, who's going to sleep where. If my second one moves in with my first one, they might wake each other up. Who will I put to bed first? How will I manage them all in the bathroom? How will I convince my oldest one not to keep her lights on and read her books loudly and play in bed because her brother will have to sleep in the same room with her. I am going mad thinking about all this and how I will cope with the exhaustion, lack of sleep, the inhuman waking up hours of 4-5am because I know what's coming... 

Concerns, Worries, Scans

I've been to four scans in a week. Being referred from one place to another. Thankfully all say that the baby looks fine  though it is too late to conduct some tests such as Down's Syndrome. I still don't know a due date, the scans show something between 17 May and 27 May!

I could only get my first midwife's appointment for one month from now! How ridiculous is that?!

In the meantime, we are still trying to figure out the room and sleeping arrangements in the house, maternity nurse, night nanny etc.

It seems like the baby is moving less now that we have finally found out she is there. I guess now she is resting and growing:-)

Shock!

I only found out that I am pregnant for the third (!) time three days ago and that I am already 20 weeks and 4 days, two days ago! It is so unexpected, so unplanned, such a shock!

It has been a roller coaster past three days with our lives turning upside down. We had just settled as a four member family, as a couple we were just getting back to social life, I had just started going to gym again, doing some things for myself.

We cannot even figure out how we will sort out the sleeping arrangements. My husband's biggest worry is that he will be neglected again and of course exhausted, run down with the lack of sleep, cries, tantrums. Of course, financially all our plans are out the window. I just hope that we can provide the best possible education and life opportunities for all three kids.

What's most annoying is the fact that the GP I visited, which would have been the first weeks of the pregnancy, with faintness and abdominal pains, didn't even think that I might be pregnant. It didn't even come up! So I went to gastroinstentinal specialist to figure out the cause of my abdominal pains, had to endure endoscopy and colonoscopy under anesthesia. It turns out that I was pregnant during all this and that the baby had to endure it too. Now I am extremely concerned for the health of my baby who didn't get proper antenatal care and had to be exposed to propofol as a fetus.

I am sad, lost for words, always crying with worry. I cannot sleep with the worry for my baby, my husband's feelings, my currently 16 month old son and 4 year old daughter. I already love this baby so much though. She has such a fighter in her. She let me know she was there with her movements and keeps kicking for the last three days. She is fighting for her place among us and I love her for that.