Monday 4 January 2016

Shock!

I only found out that I am pregnant for the third (!) time three days ago and that I am already 20 weeks and 4 days, two days ago! It is so unexpected, so unplanned, such a shock!

It has been a roller coaster past three days with our lives turning upside down. We had just settled as a four member family, as a couple we were just getting back to social life, I had just started going to gym again, doing some things for myself.

We cannot even figure out how we will sort out the sleeping arrangements. My husband's biggest worry is that he will be neglected again and of course exhausted, run down with the lack of sleep, cries, tantrums. Of course, financially all our plans are out the window. I just hope that we can provide the best possible education and life opportunities for all three kids.

What's most annoying is the fact that the GP I visited, which would have been the first weeks of the pregnancy, with faintness and abdominal pains, didn't even think that I might be pregnant. It didn't even come up! So I went to gastroinstentinal specialist to figure out the cause of my abdominal pains, had to endure endoscopy and colonoscopy under anesthesia. It turns out that I was pregnant during all this and that the baby had to endure it too. Now I am extremely concerned for the health of my baby who didn't get proper antenatal care and had to be exposed to propofol as a fetus.

I am sad, lost for words, always crying with worry. I cannot sleep with the worry for my baby, my husband's feelings, my currently 16 month old son and 4 year old daughter. I already love this baby so much though. She has such a fighter in her. She let me know she was there with her movements and keeps kicking for the last three days. She is fighting for her place among us and I love her for that. 

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