The End

So as I was 40 weeks plus 6 days, my new bundle of joy arrived.

With all the pain and suffering that is going on around the world, especially what children and mothers go through, it is incredible, how the birth of a new one can bring so much happiness, joy and most importantly hope for the future. It really does. I just hope and pray that all the suffering that the children and mothers go through come to an abrupt end sooner than soon.

When I was about 40 weeks plus 4 days, I finally started feeling a bit different; some tightening in my belly though not painful. I even slept through those contractions without a problem even though in my dreams I continued having them. At about 1:30 AM on the plus 6th day, I woke up with contractions, through which I could not sleep through.

I went downstairs to the kitchen and got into a comfortable position with the exercise ball and started observing the frequency of the contractions, which were already three 1 minute lasting ones every 10 minutes. They were painful but not to a degree to which I could not bare. Nevertheless, I called the hospital at 3 AM and was told to wait another couple of hours. So I drew myself a warm bath all the while my husband and first one were sleeping through the entire episode. I sat in the bath for an hour, which really helped me cope with the pain.

By 4:30 AM contractions were stronger and I felt the urge to moan during them. By this time, I had dressed myself, put on some make up, took my hospital suitcase out. I called the hospital again and was told to come over at 6 AM. However, I knew that I could not wait that long. I really wish I could because I didn't want to wake up my husband and daughter, who was due to go to nursery at 7:30 AM anyway. I tried everything in my power to delay things, so we could just drop her off at the nursery and then go to the hospital. At that time of the night, I thought it was unnecessary to wake up our friends who were waiting on stand by to mind our first one. I thought that if she didn't see me or her father in the morning, she would panic and cry and it would be too difficult for our friends to handle her. So I decided to call a cab and leave for the hospital very quietly. I thought that as I would get epidural, labour would slow down and that my husband would still make it to birth after dropping her at the nursery.

The cab arrived in 5 minutes and I was at the hospital by 5:30 AM. Making to the labour ward wasn't easy. I had to make a few stops as I was contracting. It turned out that I was dilating very fast and the baby's head was already visible. By that time, although I was on gas and air (entonox), I was begging for epidural. However, I was told that it was too late for it. The baby was already ready to come.

He came in three pushes by 7:03 AM. I couldn't believe it. All the while, I was trying to dial my husband whose phone was still off because he was still sleeping. Nevertheless, he made it to the hospital an hour later in complete shock of what I had done.

I must say that whoever invented gas and air should be awarded the Nobel Prize!

Also, it was quite funny how emotional I was and making promises to the midwife that I would pray for her for the rest of my life and uttering expressions such as "God bless you", "God be with you." The hormones turned me religious! Nevertheless, I will try to keep my promise...

I couldn't believe the birth of my son. I couldn't and still cannot believe how different the birth of my daughter and my second one were so different. In the first one, I had felt like a failure. In the second one, although I screamed as if there was murder due to pain, I felt empowered as I wasn't drugged, he came out so easily and I actually felt him come out. The entire process made me respect the wonder of female body even more.

Even more amazing, as there were no complications this time, I was discharged from the hospital the same evening. Today, my son is one week old already and I feel almost recovered. Again, so different than the first experience... And the baby seems to be more content than my first one too. Having a maternity nurse this time helped tremendously with me resting and making sure that the baby is fed adequately. Tomorrow, she will be leaving us, so let's see how we will cope on our own.

My daughter loves her baby brother. She is so cute wanting to play with him, stroke him and cuddle him. She does get disappointed not being able to play with him yet, which breaks my heart. I try to get as much cuddles as possible from my new baby and enjoy his "babyness" as much as possible because I know that these times don't last long. It is such as blessing.

The Waiting Game

Even though my first one was right on time and the midwife told me repeatedly that this baby would also be the same since it has been engaged for almost a month now already, the baby is nowhere in sight.

I never thought that the waiting game could be so frustrating. I want the best for the baby, so if it needs to stay inside for longer that's fine but then I am also reading some scary information about babies that are overdue. The information is making me very anxious about the health of the baby.

I don't know if it is normal to not to feel any signs of labour at his time. No contractions, no discomfort, nothing. That feels strange to me. I just really hope and pray that the baby is fine and absolutely healthy.

None of the remedies seem to be working either. I guess babies do really come only when they are ready.

I feel quite bored now as well. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have started maternity leave so early on and should have continued taking on projects. But I could not have known I guess.

There is also the issue of planning. I have been organised with babysitting, maternity nurse, when my parents would fly in, filling up the fridge etc etc. But now with the date shifting to an unknown day in the calendar, all plans are out of the window...Anyway, I just hope that all is well with the baby. That's all I care and worry about at this point.

Baby Not Making an Entrance

Lately I feel way too comfortable. In fact, much more comfortable than I felt a few weeks earlier in my pregnancy. And so, there is no sight of baby; not even a feeling that it is about to come. Normally, that is all fine. It is just that with all the arrangements I had to make for someone to look after my first one while we are at the hospital and now that we are in the holiday season, it is getting more and more difficult to ensure that there will be someone who will be able to look after our first one, the later the baby arrives.

So I am trying all the remedies I heard of: Eating fresh pineapples, drinking raspberry leaf tea, eating spicy food, walking etc. 

Extreme Discomfort

I have always thought that babies that are late are better sleepers and eaters and they gain more for spending more time in their mother's womb. So I had no rush for this baby to come out since also this is probably my last pregnancy, I wanted to last as long as possible.

However, with the extreme heat of the London summer and the increased pressure that pregnancy is putting on my body (some extremely excruciatingly painful and scary side effects of pregnancy, about which I would be too embarrassed to write  here), I think I am getting to a point where I am ready for the baby come out and my body to start healing. I know that the next stage is actually much harder than pregnancy but I simply cannot wait to start healing.

The Unbearable Heat

Who would have thought that summer in London would feel like the Med or even the Sahara Desert? Or perhaps I feel it more because of pregnancy but I am not enjoying it! I cannot function properly in this heat being so massively pregnant and looking after my toddler. Often times, at the height of the heat, it feels like I am going to faint. My limbs and feet being swollen don't help the situation either.

Worse is watching on the news what's happening to children in war torn countries and not knowing what I can do to help or change the situation. How can humans be so heartless, so cruel? I spent the entire evening and last night crying. I still cannot get the images I saw out of my mind. And I shouldn't. We shouldn't forget. I need to do something but what?

This week's NCT refresher course was an eye opener on the difficulties of handling two children, especially in the first 6 weeks, which truly freaked me out. My mother's health problems are not making me feel at ease at all either. 

Little time

At my last appointment, the midwife told me that the baby's head in engaged and that it can come any time now! I am not sure if I am psychologically ready yet. 

The summer heat is making it very difficult to cope and sleep. So I am already tired. I remember from last time, how much physical strength is required during labour and delivery and I am not sure that I have that strength and energy right now. And I know that the real difficult bit is after the baby arrives. So I am in no rush. Closer to the due date, the better for me.

Scary tantrums

As my first one's terrible twos have suddenly reappeared and getting so close to the due date, I am getting more and more worried about how I am going to handle everything when the new baby arrives.

Worse is not getting any help. Someone always has an excuse for something. Even within family, my fatigue is downplayed and I am asked to shake it up and come back to my senses. When I react to such comments, I am branded as "aggressive." Some people really do not know how to empathise. 

Still not ready

The midwife told me in my last appointment that the baby could arrive even within 3 weeks. My panic mode is in red alert. I am not ready at all!

I still need to sort out the baby's room. We are still to decide on a name. We still need to sort out who is going to look after our first one when we are at the hospital. And I still need to spend more quality, cuddling time with my first one! Panic panic panic!!!!

Horror at Seeing Photos

I have just seen recent photos of myself and I was horrified - especially by the ones taken from the back. I look truly fat.

Otherwise, I really have to rely on this blog to remember which week I am in. It is so strange that this time, I am not as on top of things as I was with my first pregnancy.

I can't believe that now there are only 6 weeks left! Oh dear! Panic panic panic...

Pigmentation & Wi-Fi

I have really bad skin pigmentation that came out in this pregnancy; mainly on my forehead, between my brows, cheeks and around my nose. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I have aged since my last pregnancy or because I was more exposed to sun during our holidays. But they look horrible and I really do hope that they will disappear after the pregnancy.

I am also truly worried about the Wi-Fi that I am surrounded with. I have been reading about the bad effects of Wi-Fi on the baby during the pregnancy and before the age of 3. I simply cannot manage to make our home Wi-Fi free as my husband doesn't believe in it. But all day, while working I am exposed to it closely through the computer and my phone. Very scary.

Work has been terribly busy lately and my first one demands my attention so sweetly all the time. She just wants to play with me and spend time with me and I haven't been able to give her what she deserves lately because of work. I feel absolutely terrible and guilty about it. When I go to bed at night, I cannot sleep thinking about it. I just want my projects to be over so I can dedicate 100% of my time to my daughter.

Otherwise, whilst this pregnancy is flying by, it is going so smooth and I already feel sad that it will be over pretty soon. I enjoy being pregnant and whilst I know that the next stage is very difficult, I kind of, secretly, wish to be pregnant again. It is just a wonderful, beautiful feeling. 

Heavy

I have already gained 15 kg. I am so massive. With still 8 weeks to go, I am scared about how much bigger I will become.

The baby has started to move a lot more as well. I do enjoy feeling the movements very much.

My first one's routine has completely changed as we were on holiday without her and she has become more sensitive, which makes me feel so guilty and regretful. I really want to spend and dedicate the rest of my pregnancy to spending time with her as I am worried how she will react when the baby arrives.

Deciding the name of the baby is proving extremely difficult also. It is causing me so much stress. I need a lot of inspiration.

Pregnant Traveller - Now a No No for Me

We are still traveling, still away from my first one and I am simply unable to enjoy anything. The news I am getting that my first one's routine and behaviour have completely changed is not helping either. I am in major panic that I have so much work to do when I go back and at the same time I have to get my first one back to normal before the new baby arrives. Terrifying.

To top it all, in the US - a first world country where u would never think such things would be an issue- traveling as a pregnant woman is not the best. The horrible smells, which come out if every building, the aged air conditioning, which all need their filters changed and which are impossible to escape as they are everywhere, the cigarette and cigar smoke lurking on the streets, high usage of mayonnaise, corn syrup and high fructose in every single dish turned the trip into a nightmare for me. Back home, I am so spoiled. I am spared from all these unhealthy factors that would put my baby in danger. Here I cannot escape them and this is worrying me big time about the health of my unborn child. My skin has burned despite rainy weather band sunscreen and the lotion I put on my body afterwards stung like a bee, which is very worrying too. I am just praying that none of this is badly affecting the baby I am carrying. 

Last holiday before baby

My husband and I are on our last holiday before the baby arrives. Because we flew long distance and my first one always gets sick traveling, she is home with her grandparents.

Although we slept longer than we ever did ever since I was pregnant with my first one, I never ever want to go anywhere without my children again. Ever since I left home, my heart is aching. I am constantly thinking and worrying about my daughter. Even though we try to Skype, it doesn't ease the pain. Seeing her sad face on the screen made my heart sink. Even though we have been here for just one day, I can't wait to get back home to my princess daughter. My sweetheart...

Technology maybe is not helping work wise either...as I keep seeing work emails, I get more and more tense about all the things I have to complete before their deadline, which is a short time after we get home.

Fatigue

And I feel tired again...I find it harder and harder to do a full day's work and started to wishing to procrastinate. My energy levels are suddenly very low. All I want now is to finish off all work and spend the rest of my pregnancy with my first one and preparing for the new baby.

Lack of inspiration or lack of time?

I  find that my writings in this pregnancy are much shorter than the first one. I am not sure if it is because I lack inspiration on what to write or because I am busier with my first one that I don't have time to write or to feel much this pregnancy. Although, I am enjoying the movements of the baby in my belly tremendously. The movements seem to start after 10 pm and continue through the night. I wonder if this is a sign of sleepless nights that are awaiting me once the baby arrives.

I want to remember these movements forever as it is probably my last pregnancy. I feel kind of sad that I probably won't get to experience these magical feelings again.

Miracle of female body

Even though I am getting fatter and fatter and feeling heavy as a planet, I am at awe now the most I have ever been in my life with the miracle of the female body. The more I feel my baby moving inside me (another, actual human being), my body flexing and adjusting to the baby and the fact that I will deliver it and my body will recover are aspects that are truly unique and amazing. It makes me feel so proud to be a woman. There is nothing better in the world than being gifted with the ability of being pregnant, growing and carrying a baby in the womb and delivering it to the world. A true blessing...

Nesting

I seem to have more of a nesting feeling this time around than in my first pregnancy. I want to get the baby's room and stuff ready as soon as possible. Though I still have to wait for after we are back from our long distance trip at the end of the month. I am a bit worried about the trip as in how it would affect me, the baby and the pregnancy. 

Pregnant?

I am so busy with my first one and thankfully my earlier disruptive pregnancy symptoms are so over that sometimes I forget that I am pregnant. I almost rarely feel the baby move because I am constantly on the move. Sometimes it all makes me worried. At the same time, I am so glad to be feeling normal and wonderful (except the feeling of being as big and heavy as a planet). 

Already???

I can't believe that I am already 24 weeks along. I have gained 10kg already and feel as big and heavy as a planet. We went on a day trip yesterday and it felt exhausting. I wonder how I am going to cope with our 2 weeks long long-haul trip coming up in a months time...

Bedtime concerns

I must say that I am really enjoying the pregnancy this time around - maybe because I am feeling absolutely fine and probably I will not be pregnant again. So I kind of want it to last as long as possible. However, I am already worrying about a couple things; mainly relating to when the new baby arrives:
1.  How will I manage the bedtime with one baby and one toddler?
2. Who will look after my first one when my husband and I are at the hospital having the baby? - This has been bothering me for weeks now and with no family nearby or friends available on or around the dates, it is really concerning. I might have to be all alone at the hospital while my husband looks after our first one...

Exercise

Now that finally I am feeling perfectly normal, I have been wanting to have a go again at pregnancy yoga and pilates. I haven't been doing any exercise at all except for housework and running after my first one.

Things were so different with my first pregnancy. Even though I was feeling much worse, I was going to dance classes twice a week and doing yoga and pilates every week also.

It's just that now I never seem to find the time. Yet, I want to do and give everything equally the same with my second baby as well. 

Time Flying

This time round, it feels like the pregnancy is flying by. I don't know why. Maybe because my first one keeps me very busy. As this probably will be my last pregnancy, for some reason, I want it to last long and to enjoy it. I know it sounds silly.

This baby is moving less than my first one used to, which is worrying me all the time. I can't wait for the next appointment where I can hear the heartbeat again.

It is very strange but ever since I know that it is a boy and I hear of tales how boys love their mother until they get married and then they become part of their bride's family (which I know is more than a tale, it is true!), I am already feeling jealous of my boy's future girlfriends and wife!!! 

It's a ....

BOYYYYY!!!! This time around I wanted to find out. With my first, it was a surprise and a lovely one at that. Now I will have one of each. I am so happy. I have already went through my daughter's old baby cloths and thankfully there are quite a few neutral ones that I can use the second time around.

Tummy Bug

Just as when I thought all my troubles and pain were done and dusted, I caught a tummy bug, which made me truly miserable. Even worse, it made me worry about the baby again who I hadn't felt move for about 3 days. So the maternity clinic told me to go to A&E. At Chelsea & Westminster Hospital, they were absolutely wonderful. They put me in ultrasound immediately and found the baby's heartbeat. There was also a gynecologist at the A&E who checked everything and eased my worries. They asked me to come back for another scan the following day. Everything went very smoothly. I was truly impressed with the service and the care they have given. They put me at ease. Thankfully, the tummy bug cleared in two days and I can now start enjoying the nausea free second trimester. 

Flutter Flutter

I can finally certainly tell the baby's movements. They make me feel so happy. I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms and kiss it. It does feel so different when they grow up (still amazingly nice but different) even though my first one is not that big either. They grow up so fast. 

Heatbeat

I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time at the midwife's appointment today. The baby was moving quite a lot, escaping the Doppler but it was quite nice. What's not nice is the remnants of the terrible respiratory infection I had. I am completely shattered. My head is like a factory, it hurts so bad. I cannot breath and with my headache I cannot think, walk or sleep. When will I feel normal again?

Influenza & Pregnancy

The cycle started with my husband, then my daughter and now me. I normally never get sick but I guess as the immune system is suppressed during pregnancy, I caught the dreadful virus and I have the flu. It is complete torture. What makes it worse is worrying about the baby I am carrying and whether it will be affected by it. I have been reading some terrible things on the Internet, so I requested a call back from my GP who still hasn't called back. Having a two year old toddler (who is already going through terrible TERRIBLE twos) and husband who are sick also doesn't help.

Exercise? No thank you

Now that I don't feel as nauseated anymore, I thought I would start physical activity with some yoga. My goodness, I couldn't have felt worse. For days after doing a short session of simple pregnancy yoga, I couldn't gather my energy levels back. And so, I couldn't go back to doing any exercise at all, which is worrying me.

Just like in the first trimester, I am still feeling extremely exhausted, pretty much at all times. Even work has started to get to me. I find it difficult to cope. I am starting to wonder if I have iron deficiency. 

Weight gain and bad skin

My weight gain has been ballistic this time around as I keep eating everything to stop feeling nauseated. I feel like a balloon and very ugly, very unattractive already. The very bad, pimply skin isn't helping the situation...

First scan

So it turns out I am actually already 13 weeks pregnant. My due date changed again.

What is it about scans that make everything alright? It seems like all is worth it.

This one didn't move the arms and legs like a bug as my first one had done in the first scan but jumped a couple of times, turned around, almost walked in the womb. It seemed to me like the facial features looked more like me.

Now I need to start thinking about ways of breaking the news to my first one.

To eat or not to eat sugar

I've been trying to refrain myself from sugar consumption knowing all the dangers; however, with the way I feel and the limited scope of food I can get myself to consume, it is so hard to avoid anything that doesn't contain sugar.

Seeing a documentary last night equating sugar to cocaine, tobacco and alcohol scared me even more, especially since I am pregnant. 50 years ago pregnant women were smoking during their pregnancy also. So it makes me wonder, if we should avoid sugar the way we avoid tobacco and alcohol now. I would like to do so but it is so hard given that almost anything and everything we buy contains it: bread, muesli, breadsticks, pasta sauces etc...I would be ok with not eating these either under normal circumstances but a breadstick or a piece of bread is the only that stops me from feeling so sick sometimes. 

Due Date?

I finally had my first appointment with a midwife with the NHS. The GP has given me a different due date, now the midwife says I am actually 10 weeks long not 9 weeks. Of course, it will be clearer during the scan. Thankfully, despite my post-natal complications, I am still considered low-risk but I do hope that they do not completely dismiss the potential complications I could face like last time.

Nausea and fatigue are still there. Nausea less than last time but fatigue can be unbearable at times. My body goes into complete shut-down mode. I simply cannot keep my eyes open and have no sense of the world around me. This doesn't become easier as I have a two year old to look after also.

Hip Pain

Strangely, one thing that didn't happen during my first pregnancy occurred this week. My right hip has been quite painful at the joint. I haven't been able to sit or lie on my right side. I wonder if things have started to realign in my body and that's why I had this pain. I have no idea.

Sleep

This week can be defined in one word:"Sleep." Thankfully, it's still been the holidays, so I could afford to take naps but I don't know how I will cope with extreme sleepiness and shut- down mode when work starts next week. 

Holidays

We managed to squeeze in overseas travel and my mother's surprise birthday party this week, neither of which was stress free. My wish and hope that this time around I would be nausea free didn't come true and I am wondering if getting so tired during travels and parties made things worse. It didn't help to find the cellar flooded when we got back home and having to carry out buckets of water into the garden.