Contractions, Tears and Laughter

I haven’t been able to keep up with my weekly writing because true to my due date, on week 40, my baby has indeed arrived!

5 days before the due date (Wednesday), irregular cramps have started although not painful. On Friday, I went for a walk with my mum where contractions have become stronger, by 7:30 pm we have decided to note down the regularity of them. When we reached the hospital, I was only dilated 2 cm but I couldn’t risk going back home as the pain was starting to be quite unbearable. Good thing, I didn’t go back home as the most agonising pain that exists in this world hit me pretty quick. Gas and air helped in the beginning and I must admit, I did enjoy the drowsiness. As the pain became more and more excruciating I was offered pexitocin and paracetamol but I refused. I was foolish enough to think that I was strong enough to control and handle the pain and my muscles. I agreed to sitting in warm bath, which was the best decision ever. Warm water had an incredible soothing effect. However, at the end, I was begging on my knees for an epidural.

The epidural was a life-saver at first but a couple of hours later, the pain came back with all its original intensity. My legs were numb but I could still feel everything around my belly. After suffering a few more hours, it was realised that there was a mistake with the epidural, so a second one had to be done. By then, I was completely exhausted as well as my husband and mum. We all were trying to take small naps in uncomfortable positions in the delivery room. After a long night, by Saturday mid-day I still wasn’t dilated beyond 3cm. My waters have been broken by the midwife and I was given inducing medication. Funny, after all the time and intention of staying clear of all sorts of medication and wishing for the most natural birth, I couldn’t control being so drugged up.

Towards the end of Saturday, due to our mistake of not topping up the epidural enough, the entire pain came back again! The midwife thought this could help with adrenalin and help me push. What it only did was to give an agonising pain to my left leg, which made me feel like cutting it and getting rid of it completely and it made me even more exhausted.

I was screaming like there was no one else on Earth. So embarrassing! God only knows what else I did or said. I do remember throwing up though. So ladylike!!! For the first 3 hours of Sunday morning I pushed and pushed unsuccessfully. My drugs were topped up again to almost a C-section operation level and I finally had some more energy to push but again with no success. Vantouse didn’t work and as the theatre was being prepared for a C-section, forceps finally did the trick – though the baby did refuse coming out with it as well! My mum says that as my baby was coming out, her eyes were open and she had a very serious face as if she was questioning why she was being forced out.

She was first put on my belly and then frisked away. No one had even told us the gender at the time as, as soon as it was ensured that the baby was healthy, everyone’s focus was on me. I had lost a lot of blood, endured cuts, forceps, lots of drugs, shock and my body was shaking uncontrollably. I felt incredibly cold as well. I was told that the shaking would last at least an hour; however, as soon as my baby was put back on my skin, the shaking and the coldness disappeared immediately. It was like a miracle.

To make a long story short, after checking in at the hospital on Friday evening and 33 hours of labour, we were not discharged from the hospital until the following Wednesday afternoon due to the complications I faced, especially with my blood levels. Thankfully, my beautiful baby daughter has been well.

Everything I wanted to avoid and do differently during the labour was thrown out the window. It is simply impossible to plan it. You can only pray and hope that it will turn out to be easy and quick enough and you will end up with a happy and healthy baby.

As soon as I get the chance and time, which is extremely rare to come by nowadays, I wish to write and keep record of the first days and –if possible- years of my baby daughter on a similar platform on f1rstyears.blogspot.com. Fingers crossed!

PS: We lost the camera with which we took my darling daughter’s first pictures and videos in a car we rented. I am completely devastated!

Last Days?

My mum is over with us again, this time until after the baby is born and big enough for me to handle him or her by myself. It is a great help to have her around as I do not need to worry about cooking and house chores at all.

Whilst the baby is due this Sunday, we are anxiously waiting for the new arrival to our family. Yet, the belly still doesn’t seem to have come down. On the other hand, I started having some strange sort of pains at night time. Who knows, these may be the signs of something starting…

In the meantime, my husband is terribly busy and getting tired at work and will be going for a daily international work trip tomorrow. I just pray and hope that he will not miss the birth of this first child. So I stopped all the labour inducing and easing remedies such as reflexology, eating pineapple and drinking raspberry leaf tea to ensure that the baby doesn’t arrive before my husband is back in town.

Impatience

At 38 weeks and already full-term, whilst I suspect any tiny movement or cramp may be the beginning of a contraction, my husband is getting more and more impatient for the baby to come out. I find it very sweet that he is excited about the baby’s arrival.

Though, my visit to my GP revealed today that I am not close as the baby’s head is not engaged and my belly still hasn’t dropped lower. 

In the meantime, I am following the remedies that have been recommended in the ante-natal classes for a timely and easier birth such as eating fresh pineapple and drinking raspberry leaf tea. But I guess that if the baby is not ready to come out, none of the remedies matter. 

Special Request

My mum had a special request this week. She wanted me to write in my blog for my children to see later on that this year, my 4^th wedding anniversary, my country’s Victory Day and the first day of the end of Ramadan celebrations coincided all on the same day. So it is indeed a special year! And of course at 37 weeks, I am already term on the same week.

So the baby could arrive any time now but it doesn’t feel like it as the baby still feels quite high up squeezing my lungs.

My husband and I made a quick trip to the countryside over the last weekend though – last quiet time with each other before the baby arrives. It was indeed lovely.

I am very excited right now and can’t wait for the baby to arrive. On the other hand, I am trying to psyche myself and not to try to rush things too much in my mind. Everything will happen when they are supposed to happen.

Baby Qualities

At our NCT class last weekend, we were asked about a quality we would like our child to have. Of course, almost all mothers, including myself said “healthy and happy.” This is really all I care about. Some dads said they would like their child to be sportive and have a left foot. I was so proud and impressed with my husband’s answer though. He said that he hoped our child to be kind and generous. Very sweet!

Now that I am in the 36^th week of my pregnancy, with the knowledge that the baby could arrive any time, I am no longer scared of the actual labour and birth, thanks to the ante-natal classes. However, my anxiety over how our lives will change once the baby arrives, whether I will be an adequate mum and whether I had enough of the nutritions my baby needed to develop well has come back.

I have also noticed that I have been growing sideburns and a beard! Gosh, these hormones are really changing my appearance. I really hope that this excess hair will disappear soon after the baby is born as people claim they do…

Already a Failure?

It has been weeks since I stopped any sort of exercise, cleaning, cooking and eating properly, talking to my baby or making my baby listen to music all because of work. I have to spend hours and hours by the desk, across a computer, sitting on a chair. I feel absolutely awful. I already feel like a failed mother, not being able to take care of my baby and doing things I had dreamt of doing in the last weeks of my pregnancy. I am worried…

Nesting?

I still haven’t experienced the famous nesting instincts but my husband already seems to be on track. He is fast at re-arranging the baby room and shopping. Seeing him this way makes me excited too of course.

In the meantime, I have a lot of trouble sleeping as I cannot find a comfortable position at all. In any position, either my belly hurts or I cannot breath. I guess my body is training me for the sleepless nights, which are awaiting me once the baby arrives.

Climbing Heights

I am not sure if I am the first one but I must be one of the rare 33 week pregnant women who climbed the steep cathedral tower of New College in Oxford. It seems like anything is possible in pregnancy!

Nevertheless, 14 kg heavier, I feel even fatter yet enjoying my baby’s active and sometimes piercing movements in my belly. Though I have to say that the movements have decreased significantly over the last few days.

My husband and I have finally given in and started shopping for things like bedside cot, baby bath time, baby carrier, nappy disposer. Nevertheless, we have done quite well in not going overboard and buying unnecessary items; something which I know many first time parents are guilty of.

In the meantime, I am enjoying our ante-natal classes tremendously and I think that they are helping my husband understand the entire labour process as well as getting him used to the idea of becoming a parent.

Lots Happening

Our first ante-natal class at the hospital was last week and it was more informative and useful that I could have ever imagined. Not only I learnt that giving birth lying on your back is a myth, I also understood why I go through certain stages in my pregnancy and will go during labour. It was great to have my husband there as well since it made him more involved with the whole pregnancy process. He also now knows what to expect in the delivery room – especially when the adrenalin kicks in.

I started feeling numbness in my left fingers, another normal cause of pregnancy apparently.

We have been researching our options about storing our baby’s stem cells. It seems like if we decide to go ahead, we would have to do it privately as our hospital and health system do not provide the service.

I have also been extremely busy with work. I’ve been working around 12 to 14 hours a day on average on a very frustratingly complicated project. I can’t wait for it to be over and concentrate on my last weeks on pregnancy on the well-being of my baby. Now, I can go hours without noticing that I didn’t have lunch or I tend to graze on very unhealthy options like crisps and chocolate. Not good! Maybe my baby has been kicking so hard because it is not happy with what I have been feeding. I am sincerely worried now about the nutrition I put in my system. I guess when it comes to balancing work life and cooking, I am a total failure. 

Dancing Baby

Last Sunday, I gave my last dance performance before delivery at 31 weeks! I am very proud of my baby for being well throughout it all. Everyone is now expecting the baby to come out already doing flamenco movements.

My antenatal visit this week was good and bad. Bad in the sense that I found out that I already weigh 70.55 kg! I have never been this heavy my entire life. Every night, I keep dreaming of myself as an inflated, fat woman with chubby and ugly face and features. I guess that I am quite worried that I will always remain this big.

Good news was that everything is progressing well with the baby and the pregnancy. I even got to feel the baby’s head, bum and foot with my hands over my tummy. It was very cute.

The baby might be taking revenge from me this week though as ever since I stopped dancing, the baby doesn’t stop moving. Almost 24 hours a day. At times, the kicks really hurt too. So sleep deprivation is on the cards again. Anyway, I’d rather have an active, moving baby.

Exhaustion

Over the last week, I have been experiencing the typical pregnancy exhaustion and irritability. Lack of sleep at night and the painful leg cramps didn’t help either.

My mum thinks that this much exhaustion is not normal and I am not getting enough nutrients. On the other hand, I already gained 12 kg. (maximum I should gain) and I have 10 more weeks to go.

Some say that my belly still looks too small; which makes me worry like crazy about the health and growth of my baby. Someone in dance class asked me if I was expecting twins! Someone else in dance class never hesitates to rub my belly without asking my permission each time she sees me. Then yesterday, she told me that my belly is very and my baby might be engaged!

Why can’t people just shut up and keep their advice and opinions to themselves when it comes to pregnant woman? It is as if the body of a pregnant woman and her baby suddenly become public property!

By the way, I still haven’t bought anything for the baby. We received many cloths as gifts, so we are ok on that front. But I should maybe already order the bedside crib, some diapers, diaper bin, so on and so forth. I have been so busy at work. I hope I will get to enjoy the last weeks of my pregnancy by dealing with such issues.

Baby Blues

My husband and I took a weekend trip to the country side with some friends and did loooots of walking. I don’t think I ever walked so much in my life. And yet, I see from the pictures that we have taken that my petite pregnancy image has completely disappeared and I am officially an elephant. My face, arms, bum and thighs truly complement the size of my protruding belly. I am MASSIVE! I really hope that I will not have too much trouble losing this extra weight.

Many women told me about the blues they experienced while they were pregnant and I brushed them off as I haven’t been feeling particularly emotional or sensitive – or at least not more than usual. However, this week I have been feeling down and low for reasons I cannot point out. Of course there is the anxiety and the fear over if we will be good parents, if our baby will be completely healthy, if our social life will change dramatically. I guess receiving the prospectus of a potential private school didn’t help it either.

The school fees are outrageous and get me thinking already how we can afford the best education for our child. I always wished to have at least two kids for the joy, noise and laughter at home – as I grew up as a lonely only child. Now, I am not even sure if it is financially possible due to the ridiculous school fees!

Progress?

At my health check-up today, I was told that my belly is the perfect size so I don’t need to worry about my mum’s comments about still looking small. I had to give three tubes of blood again for diabetes, iron level and antibodies tests. Hopefully, all will come out fine.

In the meantime, it shocks me to realize that even though I do half the amount of exercise/dancing I used to do before becoming pregnant, I get as – if not more—tired. I just hope that I will still be fit and able when the time comes for my last dance show, which is in a couple of weeks, before delivery.

Yesterday, I drank a juice and later I realized that it has kola nut and liquorice in it! I googled and found out immediately that both ingredients are extremely dangerous for babies and ever since I cannot stop worrying. How could I make this mistake? Normally I try to be extra careful about what I eat and do. I really hope that nothing I eat, breath in or do is harming my baby in any way.

Baby Shower II

Taking advantage of my mum’s visit, we decided to host a baby shower where we live to celebrate our first baby with friends in this country. It was a lovely afternoon tea party and my mum’s cooking went down really well.

My husband may be suffering from some sort of baby blues though; I guess the idea and responsibility of fatherhood may unconsciously seem a bit daunting. But he is extremely sweet and accommodating to my and the baby’s needs. 

Too Big or Not Too Big?

So my mum is visiting this week and disinfecting the entire house to get it ready for the baby. She is also cooking wonderfully nutritious and delicious food, which I like.

She told me that my belly is not as big as it should be at 6 and half months and this was very upsetting for me. She claims constantly that I am not eating well and taking good care and that’s why my belly is small. I was so incredibly down yesterday because of this comment.

My fellows at dance class though made me feel slightly better saying that I don’t show it because I have good posture. Maybe they were just trying to make me feel better but at least it worked. 

Boy or a Girl?

Lately, I am hearing a lot of guess work about the gender of my baby. It is overwhelmingly girl. Some say it is because of the shape of my belly (it is said that if you are having a girl, you become much bigger – so this must mean that I do really look fat), others, namely my best friend keeps having dreams that it is a girl.

I, on the other hand, have been guessing that it is a boy from the beginning. I know that it is cliché to say so but in all honesty, I do not care at all about the gender. I really only care and pray for a healthy baby. 

At Last...

I spent the last couple of weeks worrying about a possible infection, which could not be confirmed 100%. I was going back and forth to the doctor’s office with no concrete answer to what they were finding in the test results.

I have been extremely worried about an infection affecting my baby and/or having to take antibiotics.

Today, I finally got the clear from my latest test result. Phew!

In the meantime, I discovered that my baby really enjoys yoga. The baby moves non-stop and intensely after my yoga sessions. This makes me really happy.

Bodily Changes

I have no idea if my husband agrees with me but there is something strangely feminine about owning a pregnant body. Even though I am undoubtedly bigger and fatter, my big belly doesn’t bother me at all.

Under normal circumstances, if my belly became slightly bigger, I would feel completely not myself, down and heavy. However, the pregnancy belly and the pounds I put on as well as the other changes in my body strangely make me feel more womanly now. I no longer have a teenager’s body but a woman’s. And I am quite enjoying it.

Planet

My belly has grown so much in the last few days and my thighs and bums became so big that I feel like a planet. And I still have 4 months to go! I am scared of becoming so big.

On the other hand, I become more and more anxious and lose sleep if I don’t feel the baby move as much as before. I am an anxious wreck.

My GP told me today that my belly is the perfect size and the baby is hiding in the back of the placenta so the sound of its heartbeat can be heard only so faintly.

In the meantime, I should really cut down on my ridiculously increased chocolate intake. It is not helping me become any smaller. 

The Bump

I definitely show my bump now and no one restraints themselves from touching my belly or spreading the news on my behalf. My face, thighs and bum getting fatter do not help the situation much either.

My mom was angry with me for not finding out the gender of my baby at my 20 week scan last week. To be fair, it was a stranger experience than the 12 week scan and I wasn’t completely at ease as the baby was facing down and not moving. It was very difficult to get any images or measurements, so I became even more anxious about the health of the baby. I have been told that everything is fine and normal but I can’t help but be worried all the time.

On the other, my baby seems to enjoy Mozart, Vivaldi and Bach already as it gives me kicks when I put the headphones on my belly. However, Beethoven, Debussy and Chopin were not my baby’s favorites as there was no reaction to them.

Baby Shower

This week I got to travel overseas, go around both with my parents and in-laws and have a baby shower.

Thankfully the 4 hour air journey was not a strain and I got to eat my mom’s delicious and healthy cooking. In 5 days, my belly has grown tremendously. Previously, it wasn’t very easy to tell whether or not I was pregnant. After spending 5 days at my parents’ house, no one can now doubt it.

My best friend organized a lovely baby shower in my home country and I got to meet with girl friends from each stage of my life. It was absolutely lovely and made me very happy. 

‘Get A Kick Out Of You

I took my first road trip since I became pregnant. Whilst the shaking was not pleasant, I think it triggered the baby to be more active so by the end of week 18, I started feeling the baby’s movements.

Now I realize that I had felt the same in earlier weeks but I wasn’t aware that they were the baby’s movements. Now I am certain. This is very exciting. I want to feel the baby move all the time!

Family Matters

I recovered my energy just in time for my in-laws who have come to visit us for the very first time since we got married. I was extremely worried about not having enough energy and being able to stand the smells while I would cook for them. Thankfully, either with a rush of adrenaline or due to the charms of the second trimester, I am absolutely fine.

I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the second time in the GP’s office yesterday. It was incredibly soothing and reassuring. I am always so worried about the baby’s wellbeing that hearing the heart beating really calms me. As I don’t feel terribly sick anymore as I did in the first trimester, I was wondering if feeling ok means I am still pregnant or not. I certainly have become silly…

Birth Options

Twice now I have been recommended to give birth at home in a pool. I had never considered this option before. I always thought that if something went wrong, being in a hospital is the safest option. Though the natural and drug free option of a pool birth is appealing…There is just so much to think about and so much I don’t know. I feel so ignorant.

Oh, by the way, making it to the second trimester does not mean the end of troubles. Whilst I feel million times better than two weeks ago, now I am suffering from headaches, blocked sinuses and sleepless nights. Oh the joys…

The Heartbeat

I heard the heartbeat of my baby for the very first time today. It was amazing. Just like the 12 week scan, it brought a huge smile on my face. Now I want to hear my baby’s heartbeat all the time. It was magical. I can tell I will love this baby so much and will want to hear it, smell it and see it all the time!

The Ongoing Joys

I performed three full length flamenco dances at 15 weeks pregnant. Phew! Watching the footage, I can see that my belly is sticking out but the adrenalin must have taken over the progesterone to give me energy. Of course, the days following the performance, I have been debilitated and my usual sick pregnant self again.

I thought nausea and sickness were supposed to disappear by now. But it seems like I might be one of those unlucky ones who experience this discomfort throughout pregnancy. It is horrid.

This has taken over my life so much that I worry about my husband who has been wonderful in helping me around the house. To him, I must appear like no other than a couch potato who snacks all day long and who can’t even her mouth for a conversation due to risk of getting risk. 

Start Spreading The News

My lovely husband treated me for a spa extravaganza today. It was incredibly lovely to be pampered. Beauty treatments are not the sort of thing I ever attend do, so I really start to enjoy my pregnancy now.

The news is spreading as well. Close relatives and friends have been informed and the joy is certainly felt better when it is shared.

On the other hand, a couple of days ago I realized that I lost 1 kg. since my scan so I am very worried about the health of my baby. I really hope that all is fine. 

The Future

So I finally broke the news to my dance teacher. She told me she should have been the second person to know after my husband and that she feels bad for telling me off in earlier weeks for not doing a movement properly. That was very sweet. She was very surprised that I am already 3 months though. I guess I don’t show it yet though I already gained 3 kg.

Me being my usual worrying self, I am already depressing over my life, more specifically, my career after the baby comes. I am absolutely terrified. It is not the baby who will change my career. The problem is that I haven’t been able to establish a career, which speaks to my heart so far anyway. And it will get only harder as I get older and am with no child care.

To top it all, the natural disasters in Japan, the radiation leak, problems in the Middle East, problems in my own country, everything upsets me so much. I cry almost every night. I worry about bringing a child into this troubled world.

It’s A Baby!

I had my first scan today and the moment I saw my baby on the monitor, I gasped in shock. It really is there. There is really a baby in me. And it is fully formed.

This puts things in perspective. Until now, all I felt was the debilitating symptoms of pregnancy but now nothing in the world matters anymore. I simply cannot believe that there is a baby in me, kicking and jerking. I am overcome by the pride I feel for my little one’s fingers and toes, big head and belly. It is simply incredible and beautiful!

News

So we finally had to give in to my mom’s Sherlock Holmes games and give the news to parents earlier than planned. Thankfully, they all agree with us that the news should not be spread until much later.

Advice has started to pour in of course, it is unavoidable. I, on the other hand, am in a panic mode. The horror delivery stories are truly messing with my head.

The Big Conspiracy

I have never known that pregnancy itself was so difficult. No woman ever shares this secret with you. I have decided that it must be to ensure people keep on procreating. This is either a major conspiracy against women or pregnant women around me have been so lucky or strong that they haven’t been affected by the unbearable, debilitating and life altering symptoms of pregnancy.

I am no longer myself and it drives me crazy. Moreover, my mother started playing Sherlock Holmes. I am very worried about sharing any news before I hear the baby’s heartbeat and that will not happen until week 12. This is so difficult. The anxiety over what kind of a parent I will be doesn’t help either. 

Ole!

After a violently sick start to my 9^th week of pregnancy, I managed to pull all my strength and give a dance performance. Phew!

I am always so worried that I would have to give up so much from myself due to pregnancy and I already have given up some but I am very pleased with myself for being able to pull up the performance. I only wish I could show the same level of energy at work and home.

I had my first official antenatal clinic visit this week where I was bombarded with a lifetime of information. I also had to give a lot of blood for tests. Fingers crossed all is fine!

I am still terribly frustrated with myself though for suffering all the terrible symptoms of pregnancy in the book, which make me focus on myself and not necessarily the baby.  So I am not able to feel completely maternal. I still don’t know what it is to feel maternal. I am certainly extremely worried about the health and happiness of my baby as well as being terrified of being good parents. I wonder if the fear will every go away.

Nesting Time?

I feel so dried out because of constantly eating crackers and carbohydrates that I think I will soon grow cracker trees.

I am drowsy all day long even though I am currently getting the best night’s sleeps of my life. I sleep really deep. My dreams have never been so lucid, linear and full of thrill and action before. I wake up every morning feeling as if I was chased by a gang of murderers all night long.

Morning hours are the worst. On top of the sickness and the drowsiness, which are not only in the mornings, I have an incredibly high heart rate, which makes it almost impossible to catch up with my own breath.

In the meantime, everyone expects my usual performance in life, including my mom as no one still knows about my pregnancy.

Though, whilst I only feel the pains of pregnancy so far, my husband seems to have caught on a little bit. He is tired (though he works very hard), his muscles ache (though he works out like a professional sportsman) but nicest of all, he reads up about pregnancy and he already started nesting a little.

He amazes me with his knowledge on what I should and should not eat. He already started tidying up our guestroom in order to make room for a baby cot. He’s so sweet.

Loneliness

I am yet to enjoy being pregnant, let alone be fully conscious of it. The incessant nausea is making my life miserable. I cannot function and cannot eat or drink anything. I don’t feel like myself anymore.

My husband and I have decided not to break the news to anyone, including our parents until week 12 in order to save them from unnecessary joy, which may result in heartache. God forbid any heartache. I do pray that everything will be fine and that the baby will be healthy.

Though, I am worried about not being able to get all the crucial nutrition that the baby needs. I simply cannot eat anything! This is horrid.

But not being able to share the news, especially with my mom is very difficult. I so wish I could tell her and she could find a remedy to my 24/7 nausea problem. I so desperately need comforting and being taken care of right now. It feels very lonely!

I can’t concentrate on my work. I question the pregnant women who always smile in their pictures. Are they faking it? Why no one has ever told me how pregnancy sickness could be so disruptive? Maybe the other women are stronger than me and can handle it. Or perhaps it is a conspiracy against the female species to ensure that they keep on procreate…

Fear

It is a funny concept “to try for a baby.” The world population has exceeded 6 billion and yet whilst for some there isn’t much of a thought process behind making a baby, for others, it has to be planned and timed carefully.

On the other hand, being conscious about it all is enjoyable. The father of the baby doesn’t feel so traditionally detached. He is really involved.

So it appears that after not very long time of “actively and consciously” letting it be, we are pregnant. Even though I wasn’t thinking about it all the time, I kind of knew. All the signs and the pains were there. However, their similarity to menstrual cramps was a little confusing.

 I was extremely calm when I found out. My feelings were in fact quite neutral – as this is often how I feel when I don’t know what to think or do. But soon after I told my husband, I could feel my body shaking. I still did not know why.

I quickly immersed myself in reading up all the Dos and Don’ts. There are a lot of Don’ts in almost all the areas that define our lifestyle: Food, cosmetics, activities…

My main concern was with being able to continue dancing. I was inexplicably worried about no longer being ME while pregnant. Dancing is what makes me, ME. I was happy to find out that I could continue albeit reduce the intensity.

My year’s supplies of facial creams, mouth wash, body lotions, shampoos, which contain the harmful chemicals, have been stored for post-breast feeding use. I had no idea how difficult it was to find cosmetics products, which are pregnancy friendly!

Next on the agenda is to purchase antenatal yoga and pilates DVDs.

As I read through the ante and post-pregnancy guide that my GP handed me, I am amazed by the amount of knowledge I lack about pregnancy and babies. I decided to take it one step at a time. For the time being, I will only be concerned with my first trimester. I can’t even begin to think about the time after that.

All the while, I am extremely overwhelmed with fear. The fear of not looking after well what God trusted me in my womb, the fear of delivery pains, the fear of not being a good mother, the fear of not being a good wife…At the moment, I am simply terrified!